I was struck with a sudden realization.
My art is bad.
Like… for real. Really really bad and it was even worse before the big grind over the last years. I‘m not on pro levels yet.
How do I know?
There is this strange divide.
When I look into the mirror, I‘m seeing a pro, a majestic beast. I‘m doing everything to do this majestic beast justice every day and do my best to create and improve. But the world does not act in accordance to that towards me. I am not pointing at the world and saying it is wrong. The world is reality and reality has this subtle way with the truth. It bluntly hits you in the face if necessary and it is never personal. So apparently my own picture of myself is not what I am yet, but I‘m at least on my way there.
It is not a shame being bad. Look at me. I‘m thriving like a weed dandelion that broke through concrete. No amount of opportunities I didn‘t have ever truly held me back. Apparently my art just isn’t that great. I would have opportunities. I would have an audience. And once the confusion about the divide lifts – now that I grasped what the root of it is – well, what else can I do except proceed doing my thing but now with a more balanced view of myself and more realistic expectations? After all, reality is a friend, not something to keep outside of the bubble.
So… nothing will change on the outside, except for me and you now know the truth. Maybe this has an effect on the art over time though. Might get more free and more bizarre maybe, at least that would be my personal predictions.
I like how the comic work is coming along. There is a clear visual improvement, although I‘d still want to cry sometimes about my value work and environments. But I‘ll get there. I‘m doing a lot of work that will get me there from day to day.
Never give up. See you next time!