SPREY Log #22 – Far Away

I’m writing you from a weird place in my life. I’m at a crossroad with regards to many things, and another day another crossroad choosing one thing over another again. I kept my promise to myself and continued grinding the art and filling the gaps in the fundies. I’ve even taken up learning to code and 3D animation.

This time around things are actually working out for me. I’m learning to code. In a couple of weeks I might actually be able to help my husband on the coding front of Your Land and other future projects. I think what made it so hard for me to learn it for such a long time was the wrong belief that coding is so „different“ from art and I’m somehow jeopardizing my specialization/skills if I try to dive into that as well. Then I would be double zero, not pro at art, not pro at code. What actually is happening though was the opposite, surprisingly. The moment I didn’t care about my art gains anymore, they started chasing me. And the coding gains exceed what a beginner has when they quickly dive into a thing and get stuck at the first bigger roadblock. I was always good with computers and coding in school, apparently that never went away. Now it can shine. What I did not know was that most „tutorials“ for beginner games are too difficult for an actual beginner. It’s not crochet, you aren’t done with learning a couple of moves and getting comfortable with the patterns. Yes, you can absolutely just copy the code and hope your result does what you want it to do – but if you don’t know what the computer science definitions and abstract principles mean, when you don’t know the language and engine used enough so that you actually understand what you are doing… you know nothing. If you go wrong at copying the code you have no chance to find your mistake. And worse, if the tutorial is wrong…you are left with nothing, even if you followed it accurately. Most tutorials will not start to explain to you the basics and underlying principles of things. Also these aren’t things you can just stumble upon through trial and error. So if you find yourself in the position of someone who either never had computer science classes or forgot them, go for the actual dummy classes on the level of what words mean and simple exercises to understand simple things such as how to make the program repeat a snippet of code three times without you having to spell it out.

I feel hopeful for my future. What if I can make it and fulfill my dreams after all? I feel, even being very far away from SPREY right now, what I’m doing, serves SPREY and all of my future creations. I believe in it.

See you next blogpost!

100 Days of SPREY – 23

I‘m back and I hope you all had a good start into the year. There is a certain risk involved if you make breaks…what if you don‘t come back? Resistance to go back to hard work or shame about the flaws of my past and present work didn‘t get me this time. I released a new panel of Street Prey(SPREY) and it‘s alright.

Above: bonus drawing of Rich, exploring the urban decaying environment the people of his part of the city have to live in

I did some extra writing behind the scenes today, too. So I present to you a model I came up with, a fun picture to explain where I‘m at with my artist‘s journey and what I‘m about to do.

Imagine you were in a desolate and dark place. It is cold and ruggy, rainy and windy and nobody has a business to be here. I am lucky. Despite very bad sight I found a mountain that I want and need to climb, because something up there is calling me in my heart. Having something to strive for is great, even if it seems unattainable at first like a really unfriendly big rock.

I realized I need a light if I want to continue. I need something to assess whether I‘m actually moving towards my goal or not. Otherwise I could be stumbling around in a circle without winning much. I probably have done so in the past my fair share. I thought to myself I treat the idea of finishing it as a ball of light and put it in my lantern to guide me. Now everything I see is tinted in SPREY and I can better see what specifically helps me to get to finish SPREY. I sacrificed the potential of many other things that were inviting, too, but I just can‘t follow everything at once.

My first stop following the lantern is a forgotten garage. This is very fitting for SPREY and a hilarious start for this part of the journey. Who said that I have to WALK all the way on my feet? Here I can build a metaphorical motorcycle, which again, is a great SPREY specific thing. I will sacrifice time and a lot of effort tinkering in this hall, but hopefully make that up really fast and some more when it‘s done and I‘m on the road, breezing through it. This metaphorical motorcycle dictates the future pace of the journey. I will be travelling from fuel station to fuel station. And I have to be brave and actually define and map out those fuel stations and take a good luck at my ressources and how I want to spend them. They are not endless. A fuel burning vehicle really represents that well. I tend to sometimes forget about myself and that I have to refuel, too, in a symbolic way. If I can‘t do it for myself, I must do it for the vehicle at least, which is a great safeguard.

And now, let‘s play some more. What is the fuel? That is a brilliant question! I cannot just have conceptual gasoline although the thought makes me laugh. You can run on so many things! Love, spite, ambition, deadlines, anything else you can imagine, you choose. I chose love because I believe all encompassing universal love is a ressource that you can generate yourself and use without a limit. Romantic love is a subset of it, too, but not everything. What is difficult is to use love effectively. Or is it? Let‘s find out! It will be very interesting to cultivate love on a philosophical level. Love cannot burn you out or can it?

So here‘s what we got: My motorcycle is my drawing process, my designs are my roadmaps, my tools and the mastery of them are my wheels, my knowledge is my motor, my goal is my light and my fuel is what keeps me going. I love SPREY. I love storytelling. I love what I‘m doing and I love what I‘m doing here in the blog, too. Love is a pretty big word if you mean that other, complicated love that is not the one from greeting cards. Otherwise I could eat a greeting card, bouquet of flowers and heart shaped sweets every day and declare my level of love just increased by that. It doesn‘t work this way. I‘m currently tinkering at my motorcycle to make it run better. I‘m sure it can run already, but I should not start until I finished the check-up and defined my next step, the very first fuel station I want to reach.

Let‘s find out more tomorrow.